Sebille was puzzled. And also somewhat irritated. Null had been ignoring her,
which would be normal for him, if he’d just gotten back from work. But he
hadn’t. He’d been home for days now and still he ignored her. He wouldn’t look
at her, he wouldn’t let her touch himself and he sure as hell wouldn’t let her
into his room. She hadn’t seen him do anything but sit around and sometimes read
something, so it wasn’t like Sebille could bother him too much, either. Fenrir
had prompted Sebille to leave him alone since that’s what he seemed to want, but
Sebille wasn’t the type of person to sit down and wait for things like this to
pass in their own time.
Sebille entered Null’s room and saw him sitting on the bed, staring into empty
space in front of him. This wasn’t unusual for him, but when the young woman
took a step in, he said; “Leave.” and that, most definitely, was unusual
for the tall man. Null wasn’t supposed to reject her at the door. She took
another step, and a third one, but he didn’t speak again before she sat on the
bed. “Really. Go.” He sounded stern and scowled at her. Sebille sat on
the hard bed for a good minute just looking at him… Cold stares wouldn’t affect
her. Then, it hit her. She bent towards him hastily and reached her hand towards
his shirt. Null grabbed her wrist firmly and looked at her almost coldly; “I’m
serious.” Sebille had a gut feeling; she was quite sure she knew what the
problem was. So, she looked back at him just as coldly and even more
determinedly, “So am I.”
Sebille yanked her hand from his grip and opened his shirt. Just like she’d
thought, he was hurt. Most of his torso was bandaged. Null looked away; Sebille
had finally found out his secret. “So, this is what you were hiding…”
Sebille smiled a sad smile, not being able to draw her eyes away from the
bandages. Null just grunted and refused to look at her. He’d tried to keep her
away so that she wouldn’t notice he was hurt. She was almost certain he’d known
he couldn’t keep her away like that. But she wasn’t at all certain why he’d
tried, and not for example: left until he had healed. Sebille seated herself
down by him, “Why do you keep doing this?”
Null kept his eyes cast away from her. Sebille didn’t get an answer from him for
minutes. All sorts of thoughts were flying through her head but they went by so
fast that she didn’t have time to fully grasp most of them. She turned away from
him and felt hugely disappointed, betrayed even. She knew she didn’t really have
the right to deny him what he wanted to do as long as she was going about her
life without compromises… She was just selfishly clinging onto him.
Null’s fingers moved to her chin and he turned her head back to him. His voice
was low and came from deep within his chest; “I’m this way, because in an
attempt to keep me to themselves, they give me the hardest jobs they can muster.
They won’t let me refuse them.” Sebille’s eyes widened as Null continued; “And
they won’t let me leave. I’d give them trouble were I to move to another
company.” “They’re trying to get you killed!” Sebille’s voice showed
how shocked she was.
Null just shrugged her comment off and his eyes pierced into hers, “I won’t
die.” “Oh, you won’t? And you’re sure of that?” Her voice was almost
mocking as she shook his fingers away from her chin, “I’m not seeing how
you’re as invulnerable as you try to let me believe you are. You even have
broken ribs!” Okay, she wasn’t sure if he did, but it seemed to her like
someone, or something, had hit him really hard; the bruising was evident, even
with the bandages covering most of the damage.
It happened in an instant; Null grabbed her arms and pushed her onto the bed.
She was now on her back and Null was leaning over her. The position was very
well known to her, and thus didn’t worry her, even though she could still
remember the time Null had wrapped his thin fingers around her bare neck. The
memory almost made her shiver.
“I won’t die.” He spoke sternly, but flinched just as he’d said it.
Sebille could even see a flash of pain in his eyes for a second. Something in
Sebille’s stomach bulged. He wasn’t okay at all, was he? She was so used to him
being invulnerable and strong that this hurt her more than it probably should.
Sebille lifted her knee up and pushed it against Null’s chest. She kept pushing
until she’d gotten him on his back, she knew she could only do it because Null
let her, but she didn’t think anything of it at the moment. Sebille sat on him;
strategically avoiding his ribs and most of the bandages. She didn’t want to get
him more hurt, although, something was burning inside of her.
Null looked at her; he seemed slightly displeased and even a bit irritated as
far as Sebille could tell. Still, she raised both of her arms up to her hair and
pulled out the hairpin that had been keeping her unruly locks at place. She
leaned down so that her now freed hair fell to cover her face, and brought the
pin down. Down to Null’s neck, pressing the sharp tip on his skin with nearly
enough pressure to break the soft tissue. “You say that, but the way you’re
going, you’ll end up dead soon.” He didn’t reply, nor remove the weapon from
her, he just looked at her the same way he had before she’d done anything. “I
could end it here right now. Then, I’d at least know what happened to you and
why. I wouldn’t have to wonder why you aren’t here and when you’d come back.”
She could feel her eyes tearing up. Null closed her hand inside his fist but
didn’t press hard -or move it away. The sharp end was still pressing against his
skin. His eyes were as calm as ever and he looked at her mostly curiously, “Could
you?” A tear fell down Sebille’s cheek and onto Null’s chest. “Yes. Stop
doubting me!” Her voice was broken.
What Sebille feared most of all, was losing Null. It seemed so easy to just push
the pin through right now, but in the end, she didn’t want to do it. She
wouldn’t do it. She gazed into his calm eyes; almost getting lost once again.
Null hadn’t tried to prevent her, she wondered if he’d let her kill him. Were
his ties to this life so weak? Sebille relaxed her hand and sighed. Null let go
as she curved her back and pressed her forehead against his. She was now crying