Chapter: Hidden


Sebille was puzzled. And also somewhat irritated. Null had been ignoring her, which would be normal for him, if he’d just gotten back from work. But he hadn’t. He’d been home for days now and still he ignored her. He wouldn’t look at her, he wouldn’t let her touch himself and he sure as hell wouldn’t let her into his room. She hadn’t seen him do anything but sit around and sometimes read something, so it wasn’t like Sebille could bother him too much, either. Fenrir had prompted Sebille to leave him alone since that’s what he seemed to want, but Sebille wasn’t the type of person to sit down and wait for things like this to pass in their own time.

Sebille entered Null’s room and saw him sitting on the bed, staring into empty space in front of him. This wasn’t unusual for him, but when the young woman took a step in, he said; “Leave.” and that, most definitely, was unusual for the tall man. Null wasn’t supposed to reject her at the door. She took another step, and a third one, but he didn’t speak again before she sat on the bed. “Really. Go.” He sounded stern and scowled at her. Sebille sat on the hard bed for a good minute just looking at him… Cold stares wouldn’t affect her. Then, it hit her. She bent towards him hastily and reached her hand towards his shirt. Null grabbed her wrist firmly and looked at her almost coldly; “I’m serious.” Sebille had a gut feeling; she was quite sure she knew what the problem was. So, she looked back at him just as coldly and even more determinedly, “So am I.
Sebille yanked her hand from his grip and opened his shirt. Just like she’d thought, he was hurt. Most of his torso was bandaged. Null looked away; Sebille had finally found out his secret. “So, this is what you were hiding…” Sebille smiled a sad smile, not being able to draw her eyes away from the bandages. Null just grunted and refused to look at her. He’d tried to keep her away so that she wouldn’t notice he was hurt. She was almost certain he’d known he couldn’t keep her away like that. But she wasn’t at all certain why he’d tried, and not for example: left until he had healed. Sebille seated herself down by him, “Why do you keep doing this?

Null kept his eyes cast away from her. Sebille didn’t get an answer from him for minutes. All sorts of thoughts were flying through her head but they went by so fast that she didn’t have time to fully grasp most of them. She turned away from him and felt hugely disappointed, betrayed even. She knew she didn’t really have the right to deny him what he wanted to do as long as she was going about her life without compromises… She was just selfishly clinging onto him.
Null’s fingers moved to her chin and he turned her head back to him. His voice was low and came from deep within his chest; “I’m this way, because in an attempt to keep me to themselves, they give me the hardest jobs they can muster. They won’t let me refuse them.” Sebille’s eyes widened as Null continued; “And they won’t let me leave. I’d give them trouble were I to move to another company.” “They’re trying to get you killed!” Sebille’s voice showed how shocked she was.
Null just shrugged her comment off and his eyes pierced into hers, “I won’t die.” “Oh, you won’t? And you’re sure of that?” Her voice was almost mocking as she shook his fingers away from her chin, “I’m not seeing how you’re as invulnerable as you try to let me believe you are. You even have broken ribs!” Okay, she wasn’t sure if he did, but it seemed to her like someone, or something, had hit him really hard; the bruising was evident, even with the bandages covering most of the damage.

It happened in an instant; Null grabbed her arms and pushed her onto the bed. She was now on her back and Null was leaning over her. The position was very well known to her, and thus didn’t worry her, even though she could still remember the time Null had wrapped his thin fingers around her bare neck. The memory almost made her shiver.
I won’t die.” He spoke sternly, but flinched just as he’d said it. Sebille could even see a flash of pain in his eyes for a second. Something in Sebille’s stomach bulged. He wasn’t okay at all, was he? She was so used to him being invulnerable and strong that this hurt her more than it probably should. Sebille lifted her knee up and pushed it against Null’s chest. She kept pushing until she’d gotten him on his back, she knew she could only do it because Null let her, but she didn’t think anything of it at the moment. Sebille sat on him; strategically avoiding his ribs and most of the bandages. She didn’t want to get him more hurt, although, something was burning inside of her.

Null looked at her; he seemed slightly displeased and even a bit irritated as far as Sebille could tell. Still, she raised both of her arms up to her hair and pulled out the hairpin that had been keeping her unruly locks at place. She leaned down so that her now freed hair fell to cover her face, and brought the pin down. Down to Null’s neck, pressing the sharp tip on his skin with nearly enough pressure to break the soft tissue. “You say that, but the way you’re going, you’ll end up dead soon.” He didn’t reply, nor remove the weapon from her, he just looked at her the same way he had before she’d done anything. “I could end it here right now. Then, I’d at least know what happened to you and why. I wouldn’t have to wonder why you aren’t here and when you’d come back.” She could feel her eyes tearing up. Null closed her hand inside his fist but didn’t press hard -or move it away. The sharp end was still pressing against his skin. His eyes were as calm as ever and he looked at her mostly curiously, “Could you?” A tear fell down Sebille’s cheek and onto Null’s chest. “Yes. Stop doubting me!” Her voice was broken.

What Sebille feared most of all, was losing Null. It seemed so easy to just push the pin through right now, but in the end, she didn’t want to do it. She wouldn’t do it. She gazed into his calm eyes; almost getting lost once again. Null hadn’t tried to prevent her, she wondered if he’d let her kill him. Were his ties to this life so weak? Sebille relaxed her hand and sighed. Null let go as she curved her back and pressed her forehead against his. She was now crying openly.