Breaking hearts (01/06/08)




This was going to be awful. The hardest thing she's done in a long time.


She wouldn't just be breaking her own heart but...


...his as well.


"Null... I'm asking you once more, would you please trust me and tell me things? I only need to know when you'll be around and when not, it's that simple."

She knew he wouldn't do it. She knew it but she had to try.


"You know I won't."
"Yes... I know..."

She was defeated.


She would be broken.
"Then..."


"Then... there's something I need to tell you. About something I need to do."

You can't be part of my life.

He looked at her and what she was about to do hurt her just a little more.


" ..."

And he had no idea, which made it worse again.


"I love you..."


"And I probably always will."
" ..."

Her voice was beginning to get shakey and her eyes water up.


"But we can't be..."


She kissed him and felt him inhale sharply.

It hurt again. It hurt him too.


"I'm sorry, Null..."


"I can't keep not knowing..."
"Seb..."
"And feeling like this."

Her voice was broken and eyes openly watery. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this.


"Please. Don't follow me this time. Don't come see me... ever."


She wanted to run as fast and far as possible. She couldn't bear seeing him anymore. Not now.

This had been something that couldn't be fixed just by being patient, waiting and hoping for him to come around. He never would, not 'till the day he died.
She should've done this a long ago.
 


She regretted not doing it before, but was also glad about it. She got to learn so much about him and herself.


*****
 


"I hate this..."

Her tears had mostly dried. Sebille had never been much of a crier, anyway.


"Mm, yes,  I kind of hate this too. You are a bit of a fool sometimes."
" ..."
"After the last time, I wished we'd never have to be here again."


"You think I chose wrong?"

But Loupe never liked Null.


He looked up.
"It's not for me to decide, Seb."


"He was good to you, so it was solely your own decision."
" ..."

Yes... She had actually left him. The one guy that ever treated her decent.


She was insane.


"It hurts..."


" ..."

Yes, it did and there was nothing anybody could do for them. Except maybe time...


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