Not just yet (09/02/09)




Sebille was lying in bed wearing nothing but her underwear. She faced the dull motel wall and wondered when she’d need to go back home. She knew she’d had to, eventually.


Null’s breathing sounded to her year from right behind her; she could feel his body against her back and his hand on her stomach.

The man behind her wasn’t asleep; he hadn’t slept at all since arriving to the roadside motel. Sebille wondered how long Null could function without sleep.


She was grateful that he stayed up beside her, though. That way she could feel safe. It wasn’t likely that anyone would come for her anymore but she was feeling jumpy nevertheless.


”Do you remember…” Her words were quiet; “There was a time you asked me what I’d done to you.”


The hand that rested on her stomach tensed up. He did remember.

“You even pinned me down on the sofa.” She chuckled quietly but the hand didn’t relax.


He growled quietly, his tone implying it wasn’t something he really wanted to remember for whatever reason.

“You stared down at me with your silver eyes full of confusion… I can only imagine what you were thinking.” She hadn’t understood him very well back then. Null didn’t speak.

Sebille sighed.


“I’m feeling nostalgic for some reason” she paused before continuing, “It’s been almost two years, hasn’t it.” And there was silence before words of clarification passed her lips; “You know, since you came to the house.”

She turned her head slightly; “Did you ever tell me why you moved in?” “A job” “That’s all I get, huh.”


“Back then… I was thinking of what would be logical before I kissed you for the first time.”


She turned her head back to face the empty wall.

“Then… I threw my logic out of the window. And now I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t.” She paused and closed her eyes for a moment, “Would it have been better or worse for us if I hadn’t kept coming back to you?”


Null’s hand relaxed and wrapped around her properly; his breath was in her hair now. “Not that I regret a single choice I’ve made when it comes to you.”

They stayed that way for a moment, in silence.

”Though, it’s been two years… and I still don’t know what we are.” He kept on holding her, but he didn’t speak. “We never talk about such things… we never talk about anything.”


Null was quiet for a long time before he pulled his hands to himself.


He then turned Sebille on her back and leaned his upper body over her.


For some reason Sebille’s heart raced. The seriousness portrayed in his expression stunned her.


His eyes met hers, and then his lips moved;
“Marry me.”


Sebille took a moment to register what had just passed his lips. She could see them move time and time again saying the same thing over and over, while she tried to comprehend the meaning of those words.

At first, her mind was completely blank, and then irritation came.


She pushed him off her and sat up, fumed.

“No.”


“You’d better come up with a proper proposal before you even consider asking that ever again.”


He’d fallen back and looked at her, not portraying much emotion on his face.

"Don't mess with me like that."
"I'm serious."


 Sebille was forced to look away. Asking something like that in a dirty place like this. Hmph, he should consider the time and place a little.  

“I’m not going to marry a man I barely know, a man whose name I haven't even heard.”


”My name... ... it’s Null.” his words were quiet and eyes directed at the ceiling.

Yes, he was just Null now. It didn’t really matter who he had been before, because this was him now.


She looked at him, her eyes turning gentle, “I know.”


His visible eye moved to her, a silent question in it.

“But I’m still not going to marry you.”


He scoffed but never averted his gaze.

Sebille smiled, “Even if you ask me again… I’ll keep refusing until you do it properly.”


" ..."

But what was ‘properly’ for her? Would he find out before he got fed up trying?


Sebille had felt like she’d been walking on a narrow rope ever since she’d met Null in the house; one breeze could make her fall into the depthless darkness beneath her. What was the reasoning behind what he had asked her? Would she have fallen off the rope if she'd accepted, or would she fall now that she refused?


And would he ask again?



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