Five and half days later...

 

The bed bounced as a man sat on it.

Sebille was woken up from her slumber.

Who was that? It was the middle of the night and it was her room.

Why didn't they say anything?

The woman rose to her elbows quickly to see who the intruder was, and was taken by complete surprise.

" ...Null?"

How could it be? It had just been 5 days.

5 days with no contact.

She crawled to his side carefully and whispered, "Null?"

"I couldn't do it." his voice was a whisper.
 

"Null..." She brought one hand to his back and the other on his arm. Not knowing what this was about excatly, she spoke: "It's alright."

And then she pressed her cheek on his shoulder; "I'm just glad... and relieved that you're back in one piece."

But he wouldn't have it. Not this time, because it wasn't alright.

"Ahh!"

His fingers around her wrist were rough.

They'd been in this position dozens of times but he wasn't always so rough, so angered and so pained.

"I can't kill anymore." he hissed from between clenched teeth.

She ignored the pain in her wrist to the best of her ability; "Do you want to?"

"Yes! ... No, I don't... I do."

"Why would you want to, Null?" Sebille couldn't understand it. If he did, he was in pain and if he didn't he was also in pain.

His voice came out so quiet it was hard to make out now; "I don't know... who I am, if I can't."

"I do, Null." She looked into his eyes, though he wasn't looking into hers, "You're a father. A husband. And a good man."

"I'm sorry..." he whispered as his arms no longer held him upright.


***

Sebille had so many questions for him, but this wasn't the right time to ask them. She couldn't ask where he'd been, what he'd been doing and why he hadn't told Sebastian. Not yet.

"Do you remember that small boy named Sean?"
" ..."
"My theory is that he never dissappeared completely."

She moved her fingers in his hair slowly, "And now that you've been here with us, he's been coming out in you more and more... without your noticing."
"No, he's gone."

"He isn't gone, Null."

She didn't know where she was getting this all from.

"Nobody can freeze their heart and not expect it to melt someday."

"I just wish you could accept that."
" ..."
"You don't need to do what you used to to define yourself."


And then, an interruption came in a small form.
 

"Mama... I can't sleep."

"Cam..."

"Is that... did daddy come back!?"

Sebille found it interesting how the girl had begun using 'daddy' after the wedding. Before it had always just been 'Null'.

The girl dropped her friend (Mrs. Lizzy) and ran to the bed.

"Cam missed daddy."

" ..."

"Cam doesn't want daddy to go away again."